How to Succeed in Authorship Without Really Trying

Posted by Victoria Strauss for Writer Beware

Got the yen to write a book, but lack that essential creative spark? Looking to ride the coattails of the Kindle self-publishing craze, but don't want to bother with all that pesky scribbling? Want an author to create a story for you, but don't know where to find one?

Fret no more. The Internet's got you covered.

Here, for instance, would-be but inspiration-challenged authors can "Cash In on the Kindle Fiction Publishing Craze" by purchasing a "MASSIVE SET OF PRE-WRITTEN FICTION PLOTS."

That's right! A diligent ghostwriter and her crack writing team are offering "THIRTY-SIX plots in one huge package!" For only $27! Romance, erotica, science fiction, fantasy...it's all here, ready to use. Just add a touch of butt-in-chair, bolstered by this helpful advice:

So, how do you actually USE these plots?

First of all, do NOT publish them as-is! Even though some of the plots are almost short stories by themselves, they are not meant to be published in their current form.

Instead, you will use the plots as a guideline and change up different parts to make your own unique story. No two people will write these plots just alike. Change the character names and descriptions. Change the setting. Change the time period, careers of the characters and any number of other plot points.

Don't want to go to even that much effort? Buy Now Books will sell you an entire completed book, ready to upload to KDP or another self-publishing platform of your choice. No research required! No creativity necessary! No writing at all!! Just content, ready to use. You get plenty of extras, too:

In your book package you get the following files:

a. Microsoft Word Source Documents for Print & Digital.
b. EPUB, MOBI and Web PDF versions for your Digital Book.
c. Print PDF for Large Print & Trade Paperback Books.
d. Book Detail File including all Metadata need to publish your book.
e. 5 300 DPI Images that are used inside your book.
f. Cover Art: An eBook Cover, Large Print and Trade Paperback Cover & Audio Book Cover.(includes PSD files for editing)
g. 7,500 Words of Unique Content inside your book.

Prepare for a hit to your bank account, though--these "book packages" cost a cool $397.

(Buy Books Now is at pains to explain that it's not a PLR scheme:

We don’t use any PLR. These books are created with unique content written by our own in house writers. The book is created and SOLD ONLY ONCE. After that the files are deleted from our harddrive and you are now the sole owner of the book, the content and the copyright attached.

Good to know your "ghostwritten" ebook won't trigger Amazon's inappropriate content algorithms.)

And then there's StoryMondo, which crowdsources the whole "get it written for you" thing. They take requests for stories and/or poems, do an email blast to writers who've signed up to receive notifications (and some who haven't--me, for instance), and let the customer choose from among the submitted works.

Just the thing for seekers of bizarre egoboo. For example,

Our customer is Jason Womack who is a leading workplace performance and productivity expert. Jason is based in Ojai near Los Angeles, California and he runs a company that provides seminars, executive coaching and team performance programs. Jason has also written a book “Your Best Just Got Better” and he produces a weekly podcast.

Jason’s requirements for a story are:

• Stories only (unfortunately no poems for this request)
• Maximum length of 1,500 words
• Jason Womack must be the protagonist and the story plot must fit with what The Jason Womack Company does
• Any genre is OK – but the story must be suitable for distribution to customers of The Jason Womack Company
• Can be set anywhere in the world or have multiple locations
• Some inspiration is http://vimeo.com/87092997 and http://vimeo.com/90717681

The writer of the winning story gets $250. The writers of the rejected stories get nothing.

(This, by the way, is the same Jason Womack who is running a "make money publishing" workshop at the Ojai Wordfest. Will he be advising writers to use StoryMondo?)

Thus endeth this bulletin from the weird fringes of the brave new digital world.